The Mask of a Happy Little AGPK

I tried to “get saved” until I was 46 years old.

You see, being raised in the Bible Belt-Buckle, in a strict works-based society, I believed that if I slipped up and said a cuss-word, or had a bad thought, or did something even worse, and I died before I asked forgiveness, that I would spend my eternity in hell.  I tried and tried.  I really did.  I tried to be good.  But I failed.  Miserably.  Every single time.

One sunny afternoon – I was about 12 years old – I couldn’t find any of my family (with seven of us, which was very odd!).  Mother?  Dad?  Nowhere to be found.  Sisters?  Brothers?  Nope.  Everyone was at work, gone to town, or just running around somewhere on the farm.  But I was convinced that the rapture had taken place – that Jesus had come back, taken all of them, and had left me alone.

A similar instance happened when I was at my Granny’s house, one summer evening, when she, my mom, and sisters were all gone out doing a little shopping.  I had no interest in going with them, so I stayed at the house.  They were gone a little too long, and I, again, began to question if I had been “left behind.”

I was in torment.  Always underlying, always in the back of my mind, in my subconscious if not my conscious, was the thought that at any moment I could be sealed to a fate of everlasting torment.  And I didn’t know how to fix it.  That’s a big burden for a 12-year-old.

Things didn’t get any better for me as an adult.  In fact, they got worse.  Again, try as I would, I just couldn’t “be good.”  I had a wild streak.  The baby of five children, and always feeling like a misfit, I lived out my wildness for a while, and then I started “trying” again.

And all this time I wore the mask of a happy little AGPK (Assembly of God Preacher’s Kid).  I was good at pretending.  I knew how to ACT.  I knew how to TALK.  But I still didn’t know how to fix my heart.

Jafar, Disney's Aladdin, 1992

My problem wasn’t due to a lack of teaching, preaching, childhood family dinners, or anything else at which we normally like to point fingers.  No, my problem was bad Theology.  To me, God was a big mean guy with unbridled power, and an angry streak 10 miles wide, who was ready to zap me any moment I messed up - kind of like Aladdin’s Jafar, when he attained all the Genie’s power – only worse.

Long story short, on April 8, 2011, I was saved at a women’s conference in Southlake, Texas.  I was saved from trying.  I was saved from the power of sin over me.  I WAS RADICALLY SAVED, AND I KNEW IT!!

What changed?  Everything!!

For one thing, I gave up.  I stopped trying to BE good.  I cannot BE something I am not.  And I will never BE good.  Jesus said, “…there’s no one good, but God alone” (Matt. 19:17).  I recognized the Good-ness of God, and received that as my own.  It was that simple.  Remember, the Old Testament priest never examined the man, but the lamb.  It was the Lamb, who had to be perfect, not the man!

After that moment, I began to the conversion process.  It's like this:  At the moment of salvation, I received a new system, with all-new software!  (Paul called it being a “new creature” – 2 Cor. 5:17.)  But all my files (my thoughts), which had been running on the old system with all its old software, had to be converted.  This is a process, sometimes a very long process!  Paul speaks of the necessity of renewing the mind, or psyche (Rom. 12:2).  I was saved from hell in an instant.  I am being saved, continually, from my personal hell, a little at a time.

*"Prince of Peace," Akaine Kramarik

The good news, and the point of this writing, is that even when I mess up, even when I sin, He is still good.  He still loves.  He still gives.  It is His nature.  Even when I am faithless, He remains faithful (2 Ti. 2:13)!  (Yes, He IS a Good, Good Father, Chris Tomlin!)

Let me sum it up with my favorite Bible passage of all time: 

I HAVE BEEN SAVED BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH!

IT’S NOT OF MYSELF, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD.

NOT AS A RESULT OF WORKS, SO I CAN’T BRAG ABOUT IT.

FOR I AM HIS WORKMANSHIP,

CREATED IN CHRIST JESUS FOR GOOD WORKS,

WHICH GOD PREPARED BEFOREHAND

SO THAT I WOULD WALK IN THEM.

Eph. 2:8-10

The knowledge and acceptance of His grace in my life, takes ALL the burden for my salvation off me, and puts it on The One who already paid the debt!!  Why would I try to pay a bill that’s already cleared?!  No way!  I KNOW I’m saved!  I’m not trying to make it to Heaven.  I’m already there.  

Peace,

Davina

*https://www.akiane.com/about

FRUIT INSPECTORS

Are you a fruit inspector?

Jesus said, “You will know them by their fruits.  Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they?” (Matt. 7:16.)  At first look, it may seem that Jesus is saying in this verse, “You can tell if someone’s ‘for real’ by the fruit they bear.  So go ahead!  Inspect away!”

Have you ever heard someone say, “I know we’re not supposed to judge, but we ARE called to be fruit inspectors.”

Are we?

First, let’s go back to that judging thing, which just happens to be in the same teaching, right before Jesus begins talking about fruit.  Matt. 7:1 - “Do not judge so that you will not be judged.”  The word judge comes from the Greek KRINO, which is the same word used in Jn. 3:17, “For God did not send the Son into the world to judge (condemn) the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.”  Jesus Himself didn’t come to judge; He warned against judging; so why should we think we’re called to do this very thing?

So was Jesus contradicting His own teaching, when He said, “Don’t judge.  But know them by their fruits?”

No.  Jesus was not contradictory, nor schizophrenic.

Let’s look a little deeper, which brings us to my second point.

If we read Verse 15 of that same chapter, we find that Jesus wasn’t talking about everyone, but prophets, specifically false prophets.  He warned, “Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.”  So what is a prophet?  And what is a false prophet?

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         A prophet is not just one who speaks of future events, but one who speaks “as an interpreter or spokesman for God,” a PROPHETES (Thayer's Greek Lexicon - Strong's G4396).

·     

        The words “false prophet” are actually a combination of two Greek words, PSEUDO + PROPHETES, meaning “one who, acting the part of a divinely inspired prophet, utters falsehoods under the name of divine prophecies” (Strong's G5578).

Jesus compared the false prophet to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  The false prophet, disguising himself as a sheep, goes into the flock for the sole purpose of leading them away from the Shepherd.  The sheep follow the “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” because of their instinctive tendency to stay together for protection (Cobb, 1999).

Jesus’ warning, then, is that we should not take prophets, or teachers, at face value, but to consider their fruit, or their words.  Are they speaking truth?  Does it line up with the written Word of God?  If not, it’s false.  It’s fake fruit.  Don’t follow them.

Thirdly, the only Inspector General that I find in the Bible is God Himself.

“And He began telling this parable: ‘A MAN had a fig tree which had been planted in his vineyard; and HE came looking for fruit on it and did not find any’” (Luke 13:6).  A basic understanding of Jesus’ parables lets us know that when He says, “A MAN,” or “A CERTAIN MAN,” this MAN is God.  God looks for, and at, the fruit we bear.

Just one more point, and in my opinion, the most important.

We ARE called to be inspectors of our own fruit (1 Cor. 11:28).  I don’t know about you, but for me, this is a full-time job!  Just guarding my own heart, watching my own tongue, staying positive, resisting the temptations that are a result of my own lust, forgiving others when they’ve wronged me, asking forgiveness when I’m the offender - without trying to keep everyone else straight – is challenge enough.

Are you a fruit inspector?

Peace,


Davina

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

I can still hear her words in my mind: “I just hope I don’t do or say something (negative) to my kids that they’ll carry with them for years...”  This sweet, and very human, young mother was almost paralyzed by the fear that she would somehow screw up her kids’ lives by not being the perfect mother. 

So I quickly assured her, “Don’t worry.  You will.  We all do.”

I’m reminded of the scene in “Band of Brothers” when Lt. Speirs is talking to Pvt. Blithe about fear.  You think Speirs will give him some uplifting, encouraging words.  No.  Instead he says, “We’re all scared…You think there’s still hope…But the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re already dead.  And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier’s supposed to function.”  Wow.  Good job, Speirs!

My point, of course, is NOT that we’re all dead, but to accept the thing we fear.  In acceptance, the fear dissipates.  “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself” (FDR).  Let’s accept that we have all made mistakes in the past, and that we’ll do the same in the future.  (By the way, if there’s a mom … or dad … out there who’s never made a mistake, I’d LOVE to  meet you!)

My mom was (and still is) a beautiful, loving mother.  She instilled values, kept me in clean clothes, made sure I had breakfast every morning and dinner every night, took me to church, modeled faithfulness, and so much more!!  And at risk of starting an argument with other family members, I’ll say that she isn’t flawless.

Now, the fact that I admit she’s flawed, gives me permission to accept my own flaws.  I’ll be the first to confess my mistakes in raising our two sons.  I know I wasn’t perfect – far from it!  I have made plenty mistakes.

So what’s the answer?  Where’s the light in this tunnel?

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  (2 Cor. 12:9)

Wow!  Grace!

One of the best conversations I’ve had lately, and a testimony to God’s grace, was when I answered a call from our youngest son a few weeks ago.  We chatted for a while, then he shared with me something that absolutely made me melt!  He said that he knows his dad and I think that we made a lot of mistakes in raising him & his brother, but that he’s thankful for the way we raised them… that we did a great job! 

So let me offer you words of encouragement today.  You’re not perfect, so let yourself off the hook!  Realize that you’ll screw up.  You’ll have days that you wish you could erase.  You are flesh (as one friend says, “flesh to the armpits!”)  You are human.

Be the best YOU, that you can be.

Accept God’s grace for the rest.

Peace,

Davina

Greater Sinners?

We have family in the Rowlett, Texas, area, where recently, there has been an onslaught of bad weather.  It seems that as they are recovering from one nasty storm, another is biting at its heels.  Months after the devastation, one can still drive through the neighborhood, and see the results of the storms.

We also have a friend who suffered great personal losses last year.  While on a ministry trip, he received a call from a friend that his house was burning down.  That same season, he lost a very close relationship.  And then in the fall, he was thrown from a horse and broke his neck.

WHY?!

We all know people who have suffered great losses.  We all have.  But there are those who, it seems, have endured more than their “fair share.”

Again, I ask, “WHY?!”

When we hear of these things, we may also hear that little voice inside our head, or even a voice over the radio or internet, saying, “See!  Their sin is the problem.  This is the judgment of GAWD!” (Be sure to insert a sanctimonious, religious voice here!)  But be careful of listening to this voice of accusation.  After all, who is the accuser of the brethren (Rev. 12:10)?

I think maybe, just maybe, STUFF HAPPENS.  Storms come.  Accidents happen.  People die.  It’s the way of life.

The year 1861 marked the beginning of the American Civil War; the Mendoza Earthquake, killing 12,000 people (The Mendoza Earthquake, 1861); the ongoing Taiping Rebellion, which claimed some 20 million lives (Taiping Rebellion, 2015); and the Platte Bridge Railroad Tragedy, killing 17-20 individuals (Platte Bridge Railroad Tragedy, 2016).

On September 8 of that same year, just days after the Railroad Tragedy, Charles Spurgeon delivered his sermon entitled, “Accidents, Not Punishments,” in which he stated,

Now, men and brethren, such things as these have always happened in all ages of the world. Think not that this is a new thing; do not dream, as some do, that this is the produce of an overwrought civilization, or of that modern and most wonderful discovery of steam. If the steam engine had never been known, and if the railway had never been constructed, there would have been sudden deaths and terrible accidents, not withstanding. In taking up the old records in which our ancestors wrote down their accidents and calamities, we find that the old stage coach yielded quite as heavy a booty to death as does the swiftly-rushing train … LET US TAKE HEED THAT WE DO NOT DRAW THE RASH AND HASTY CONCLUSION FROM TERRIBLE ACCIDENTS, THAT THOSE WHO SUFFER BY THEM SUFFER ON ACCOUNT OF THEIR SINS. (Spurgeon, 1861)

Jesus faced the same type of judgment-minded people (must’ve been ancestors of the ones to whom Spurgeon was preaching), recorded in Luke 13.  They reported to him, about certain Jews, whom Pilate had killed, and mixed their blood with the sacrificial lambs’ blood.  Answering this, as well as a recent accident involving 18 deaths when the Tower of Siloam fell, Jesus responded,

Do you suppose that these Galileans were greater sinners than all other Galileans because they suffered this fate?  I tell you, “No...” (Luke 13)

Accidents, war, death, natural disasters – these have been a part of our world since the beginning of time, and they will continue until the time that the last enemy is defeated (1 Cor. 15:26).

So what is our response, as Christ’s body, when these things happen?  First of all, DON’T JUDGE!  DO Encourage.  Do Support.  Do Listen.  Do Be Available.  Do Pray.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3,4)

Peace,

Davina

Platte Bridge Railroad Tragedy. (2016, January 4). Retrieved from Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platte_Bridge_Railroad_Tragedy

Spurgeon, C. (1861, September 8). C. H. Spurgeon:: Accidents, Not Punishments. Retrieved from Blue Letter Bible: https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/spurgeon_charles/sermons/0408.cfm?a=986002

Taiping Rebellion. (2015, December 8). Retrieved from Encyclopedia Britannica: http://www.britannica.com/event/Taiping-Rebellion

The Mendoza Earthquake. (1861, June 30). Retrieved from The New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/1861/06/30/news/the-mendoza-earthquake.html